Calm before the storm

I wrote my last entry long ago (three months in fact) and never got around to posting it up. But now I’ve done so – enjoy.

Three months on from that and the stick house is still in ruins, al-hamdoulillah. My mother has moved house and spares no opportunity to tell me how much she wants me to come home – the only problem is that we can’t really be in close proximity for very long before all hell breaks loose. Subhan’allah. I’m wanting so badly to go home, but dreading it all the same. Kheir insha’allah.

I’ve been dreaming lately… of XH. It’s strange, in all the dreams we’re trying to work things out – it’s like having a conversation with someone in another dimension. I usually wake up feeling anxious and strung out subhan’allah – like I don’t want to go back there but I’m forcing myself into it. I don’t know, maybe I’m going a little nutty lol.

Still no boat. To be honest I don’t even know what I’m waiting for, wanting for anymore.

There is so much I want to say, need to say but no words with which to say it… I wish I could write like I used to.