Princess Peelies

From this day forth, I shall be known as Princess Peelies *loud accompanying fanfare*.

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I am so itchy it’s unbelieveable (well it would be if I didn’t do this to myself at least once every year). Subhan’allah. At east the worst of the burning pain has subsided, Al-hamdoulillah.

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I find myself sighing a lot these days. Two weeks of school left. Two weeks and four days until I’m on my plane. Two weeks and five days until I’m Elsewhere. People keep asking if I’m excited. Truth be told I’m not – not yet. It’s too far away to be excited, but to close not to have on the mind. I think it’ll be real when I walk out the school gates in two weeks – knowing that I still haven’t saved enough… Al-hamdoulillah my reading is coming along ok – I need to do a fair bit more before I go though. Kheir insha’allah.

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Visited the X-Inlaws today – respect and all. Told them I’m off (insha’allah). It was ok, KJ and her Mum were there the whole time which made it easier – no one could get teary eyed and get all emotional. X-MIL had a brief “chat” with me about how she misses me/wishes things were different etc etc – I don’t know how to say that although I’m not “happy”, I’m “happier” – if only because I’m no longer living on a knife’s edge. She kept telling me how hard XH was taking things (umm, like hello, it was ultimately his decision). Al-hamdoulillah, I’m glad I was raised the way I was – I think I have greater resilience, I cope better. Maybe because I don’t bottle it up and hang onto it for years. X-FIL said nothing (probably because KJ’s Mum was present – thank Allah swt for that). Either way, I really hope Allah swt provides him with happiness – wherever it lies.

I’m glad I’ve got the visiting out of the way, I know it sounds bad, but it just drags me ten steps backwards – not in how I feel for XH, but how I feel about me, my choices, my life.

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Went to Wollongong this afternoon. I love the bushland. Did some visiting and masha’allah met some beautiful people. Got a tonne of work to do, insha’allah tomorrow.

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Ya Allah grant me hidayah. Ya Allah grant my family hidayah. Ya Allah increase my imaan and taqwa. Ya Allah forgive me.